Finding an answer in the chaos

5-6 years old

Memory about kindergarten, random memories about me crying.
Memory about myself, never quite find a place to “fit” in. Oh, those inferior complexity in me.
Memory about staying over at my aunty’s place when my mum was overseas, hanging around my aunty all the time, baking apple pies.
Memory about the family quarreling.
Memory about my mum calling my kindergarten to inform them that I had chickenpox.
Memory about the stupid-doctor that reassure my mum that my brother was perfectly fine and that she didn’t had to have all the checkups she requested.
Memory about the passing of my brother, I still remember standing on the window panel outside NICU and the curtain just closed on me, vividly.
Memory about my aunt coming to my house to take care of me and my sister when my mum was in the hospital. And the vague memory of her receiving a call saying that my brother was gone.
Memory about me jumping on my parent’s bed.
Memory about my mum lying on the sofa, crying everyday.

Some days, these memories still haunt me.
Those dark secrets I’m keeping from everyone else.
To know the truth behind all these memories is even more daunting.
I will overcome those memories, one bit at a time.

How about some happy memories?
Despite it all, I had childhood like childhood was meant to be.
I played with sand, I played with mud, I played with shredded paper.
I sat in front of the TV, watching all the cartoon everyday.
I sat at a corner, reading books suitable for my age, fantasizing about the other world.
I ride a bicycle everywhere I go.
I played the piano, for fun.
I slept with a mountain of soft toys and dolls because they comfort me.
I was the apple-of-the-eye of my paternal grandpa.

I had a childhood, like a childhood was meant to be : )